Tuesday, 30 June 2015

Growing up isn't all that bad

Agh, 20. Not quite an adult but no longer a teen. Old enough to know better but young enough not to care. Since when did 'when I grow up I want to..' become the present? I'm constantly torn between worrying about my credit rating or grasping any form of youth I have left. I'm frequently being told how mature I am for my age but I put that down to the fact I had to be. I dropped out of uni and firmly stand by that decision but responsibility came around pretty quick to bite me in the ass. I feel like I completely skipped that stage of 'not quite a grown up yet' and fast forwarded three years that would of been spent as a drunken misguided student. Now I'm just a 20 year old lost soul trying so desperately to enjoy life and not give a damn whilst still actually giving a damn, ya' know about a career and that. 
I'm sure I'll look back at this in years to come and laugh, not realising how lucky I had it but right now it seems so god damn hard to fully enjoy my remaining youth whilst still pathing a sufficient future for myself. Adolescence is such a bitter sweet thing. I'm excited for the future. I'm excited to explore my career, furnish my own home and hopefully marry my best friend one day but that's all to come. It sounds ridicilous to consider these things so early in life but in reality none of those things can be done without some consideration - even if it is just a hidden Pinterest board.
I've come to accept that I'm no longer able to fully emerge myself into the present but that doesn't mean I can't be in a state of complete happiness. I'm not quite ready for a mortgage but I'm completely ready to travel the world, explore, soak up the sun, laugh till I cry, fall in love with the same person all over again each day and still put some consideration into my life goals and ambitions. The balance might often be tricky but each day that goes by where I feel content with happiness whilst still moving forward with my future is the most gratifying of feelings. So 20, I welcome you with open arms.
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2 comments

  1. I really wouldn't stress, when I was 20 I was travelling and didn't really have that much of a plan and I honestly think that the saying "everything is going to be alright in the end" is so true, just enjoy the now (also 20 is still super young and I found the mid-twenties to be the most exciting anyway)

    Laura x

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  2. We have all been there- 'the oh sh*t, I'm an adult, what do I do next' moment. You will find your way in time, just enjoy the ride!

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